burn out bright

i’m sitting in panera this morning, typing away…doing some random administrative work (the only part i don’t like about my job) and feeling in “the zone”–getting things done, staying focused (for once). but of course that doesn’t last long and i look up…tables of retired women and men meeting…having coffee, chatting it up. one table is talking about spring and the best green houses in town. another talking about a grandchild who’s making a decision about what college he’ll attend next fall (i sneakily slipped my cardigan off to reveal the DRAKE t-shirt underneath– maybe they’ll notice and be persuaded). but i focused in at the women to my right. just two of them. probably in their late 70’s. both wearing applique tops, both severely permed white hair (please…never let me chop and perm, no matter how old). and i notice the one reach into her purse and pull out kleenex…tears streaming down her face. i catch a glimpse of the other woman’s tears as well. they were crying in silence. a few words here and there. i sat there watching. soon i was crying, too. i have no idea what they were talking about. maybe one of them was recently widowed? or maybe they’ve both been widowed for a while and they were sharing stories and laughing and one of them shared a memory that brought the loss and heartache back for just a moment. or maybe one of them has just found out she has a serious illness. or that her daughter has been diagnosed with breast cancer. i couldn’t read their lips or hear their muted voices. but my heart was reading something…hearing something and suddenly i was (in my head) sitting at their table with them. i’m trying desperately to look away but it’s too late. i’m invested in their tears, their hearts, their stories—however unknown and unspoken they may be. and just as i begin to tell myself that i’m absolutely ridiculous, that i really need to get it together, and re-focus myself on the computer screen in front of me, god reminds me of that part in scripture. where is it? i can’t remember. something about “rejoice when others rejoice…mourn when others mourn”…it’s a reference to the family of god. i like that. i like that god has made my heart, our hearts, in a way that we simply but powerfully connect…that our lives collide, even for a moment, even in a panera at a table with a couple of strangers.

they’ve left now. they both looked at me as they walked out. they must have seen my tears. i wonder if they knew i was crying with them. 

back to work.